Biphobia

Biphobia

         I had no idea that biphobia was so prevalent in both the straight and LGBTIQQ (warning acronym may be outdated) community until I got home from college. It wasn’t until I started asking around that I realized how much animosity and misinformation people had about bisexuals. Thankfully, this issue has made its way into the mass media, and is being addressed by some very progressive thinkers, as well as, individual bloggers/tweeters, and friends. However, as any self important person feels the need for their thoughts to be broadcast to the world, I feel this is a great opportunity for me to provide some food for thought.

Greed – There seems to be a prevailing opinion that bisexuals are “greedy”. This is sort of a ridiculous claim for a couple of reasons. First, it doesn’t make any rational sense as it is unclear what a bisexual person would be acquiring. What is there to acquire? People? Partners? If having a lot of sexual partners is greedy, then sign me the fuck up! But seriously, what would constitute “a lot” because I know plenty of gay, lesbian, and straight people who’ve had “a lot” of partners or at least a lot of sex (and god bless them). Secondly it implies that bisexual people, regardless of their success, are so horny, they cannot control their physical/emotional/romantic urges and must seek out everyone. This is pretty offensive as it borders on calling them “deviant”. A title ironically used for gay and lesbian folks back in the day, and still used by straight people to demonize whomever doesn’t fit into their normative values. The ability to be attracted to both men and woman does not have any affect on how many people you are attracted to. Just think for a moment on any given day, how many people do you see that you are attracted to. Ten out of hundred? No, anyone in the dating community can tell you that finding ONE fucking person to connect with is incredibly difficult. If anything, someone who is bisexual may have twice the odds of connecting with someone, but they also have twice as much repulsion to everyone else (thats double the amount of creepy offers that you normally get). If anything people who are bisexual are often subjected to the ignorance and stereotyping of other groups. Much like people of certain races in the US, they are hypersexualized, and eroticized corrupting their own view of self. . This isn’t to say that there aren’t bisexual people with healthy libidos, but I think we all know someone from every camp who does (at least my friends do). Just like not all gay men are promiscuous and not all lesbians move in on the second date, not all bisexuals are itching to jump your bones.

Halfway point/Transition (colloquially)  – From what I understand as a straight dude (so definitely not much) a lot of folks from the LGBT community and plenty of straight people are doubtful of people claiming to be bisexuals because, in their experience, it has been a halfway point between fully coming out and claiming their gay identity. I am told that this is referred to as “Transition”. Now there is a lot research being done into the sexual interests of young people and it turns out that their interests are being reported as more diverse than they used to be (or at least are admitting to). Meaning that more and more people are going to be experimenting. This brings me to something I want everyone to take home. SEXUALITY IS SOMETHING THAT DEVELOPS! Only the smallest percentage of people know what they like from the beginning and I have it on good authority (from old people) that many of us may not learn about everything we like, until we are much older. Like our minds, muscles, and interests our sexuality is something that manifests over time.  It is not as simple as “on” or “off”, “black” or “white”. In many ways it is actually pretty harmful to use stagnant language to define  constantly evolving creatures like ourselves.  We should try not to show hostility to those who are trying to figure it out as most of us will be doing so for our entire lives.…..Or one might just derive that the difficulty of determining one’s sexuality (in addition to orientation) is a convoluted process due to the sexually repressive heteronormative puritan values and rhetoric used in combination with the commodified hyper-sexualized  self-deprecating marketing ploys of our entertainment industry. One….may….never….know! But either way, we as a society should give people less shit about figuring it out. Yes we can complain about people who don’t know what they want, but thats not a bisexual thing, its a people thing. Also in case it wasn’t obvious, not all bisexuals are “figuring it out”.

Privilege – This last bit isn’t an argument but merely the acknowledgement that bisexuals get a lot of heat due to the fact that they can pass. Yes, a person who is bisexual can pass as straight, but for those of you who never took a psych class there is a concept called misrecognition. Misrecognition is when others identify and refer to you in a way that is different from the way you see yourself. In many cases this can be very damaging to one’s sense of self. So while we acknowledge the privilege that some (not all) bisexual people can pass, this can be a damaging experience. I would implore everyone to remember that the fault of passing is not on those who pass. but the system that produces the inequality.  

*To pass or passing is the act of being able to hide the fact that a person is different from the majority. It is often used in reference to race or sexuality, but could be considered in other situations.

        Look for various reasons people have an easier time understanding things by simplifying them. So if you need to keep things simple, imagine a measuring stick. At one end are girls, and at the other are boys. Research shows that only the fewest of us are at each end of the stick. This is known as the sexual spectrum. You’re welcome!….although in reality the spectrum probably looks more like a plus sign (+) within a square graph in which you determine which physical parts you like in conjunction with a person's personality and which gender they present as, but if you're lost at the rectangular spectrum, you might want to consider this baby steps.
       

For the gays: Just think about the irony in a group of people who’ve been discriminated against, discriminating against other people and try not reproducing the same kind of oppression that us breeders have done to you. Try to remember the pain of someone telling you that what you are doesn’t exist.

For the straights: Research illustrates there are probably no “real” or in fact very few “straight” people, depending on what you consider intimacy or attraction, but if you identify as straight then obviously you should bear in mind that you are in a place of privilege and that you should be accepting of people, no matter who they are. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT freak out because the concept of an evolving sexuality makes you question your own sexuality and therefore elicit a defensive or violent response. Sexuality is a journey, and no one, from the creator of the universe to the person next to you on the subway, should give two fucks…unless they want your hot bod....which they should because you are beautiful.